it’s mother’s day
and I feel like it’s appropriate to talk about the short period where I was a mother.
Almost two years ago, I became pregnant for the first time and unfortunately couldnt go through with it.
While I was pregnant I had an extremely bad infection in my ovaries and uterus, which caused me to get much sicker than women normally get while they are with child. My doctor told me that because of my infection if I decided not to surgically terminate, I had a 99.9% chance of having a miscarriage and bleeding to death.
It’s hard to explain the feeling you have when youre told that you cant have something you that you want so bad, or you will more than likely die. At the time I didn’t fully understand it. To be honest, I still dont, but it’s something that I have learned to accept.
There is a certain monumental feeling you get when you think about having a child with the person you love. I have always had so much hope to have a child with the person im with, and it’s really a shattering thing to have that taken from you.
As much as it hurt, and as crushed as I was, I am thankful. As a 17 year old, I would have had no way to take care of a child. Now as a 19 year old, I still can barely take care of myself, and theres no way I would be able to support another human being. Which is why I chose to terminate my second pregnancy.
I understand that abortion is a huge argument, and everyone has very strong beliefs about it, but what some people dont understand is that a child is a major responsibility, and a life changing experience. Yes, I would love to have a child right now with the person im in love with, but I also want my child to have the same privileges I had when I was a kid. It isnt fair to have a baby and neglect to take care of it, or not have enough money to be able to give it everything it needs.
Being a mother is about making sacrifices, and if I chose to have a child right now it would out of my own selfish need to take care of something and feel that someone needs me.
I am more than thankful to have went through two pregnancies with the same man that I am absolutely in love with. He’s the only person that has ever understood me well enough to know what it did to me on the inside, and I am thankful for all of my friends that have supported me and my decision, and are able to make jokes about it with me.
happy mothers day to myself and everyone else that have ever had to go through something as hard and complicated as i’ve put myself through.
I don’t tear up after a friend says something to me, but tonight was one of those nights.
“I really wish I could’ve kept the baby, but how many people get to say that they were about to have a baby with the person they were in love with?”
Yeah, that really got me good.
i cherish the fact that this is sincere. i think youre a really good friend, and i feel like youre partially the only person that really gets what i went through.
thanks for being the best fifth grade ex boyfriend ive ever had.